Tag: The Ornaments

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The Ornaments “Would It Kill You To Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe?” (2023)

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

It wouldn’t be Christmas without The Ornaments. I rather think they would agree… though, time does march on, and all good things do end. Thus, each year when the email comes in, I take a moment to appreciate that this dark tradition continues. The Ornaments‘ tunes are not your normal Christmas songs… they are dark, weird, and interesting. This year’s song, which my wife LOVED the title of, is “Would It Kill You To Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe?.” The song centers on a Mrs. Claus whose marriage is mistletoe-dependent… on a good day. Pair this one with Elliot Manigot’s “The Ballad of Mrs. Claus,” and the strained, yet devoted wife of Santa, and you’ve got two sides of the Claus coin. Needless to say, since it is an Ornaments song, Mrs. Claus is in a bad place. Hell, the song ends with this: “i’m not sure i can be mrs. claus anymore.” Santa, get your shit together!

Bottom Line: The Ornaments are as old as my son. Thankfully, I am not paying for their college… but I’m happy to listen as long as they deem fit.

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Have Yourself a Merry Indie Christmas (Volume III) (2023)

A Benefit for Crisis
Buy: Bandcamp

You know what is better than a few cookies? How about an entire bag! Hot on the heels of last year’s epic, two volume, 108 track opus of alternative Christmas music… it comes for us once more. Fellow weirdo Christmas-music fan Kevin McGrath didn’t plan to put this record together, it really just, kind of happened. He meant to add a few tracks to each record, slap a deluxe sticker on there, and raise some more funds for Crisis, a UK-based charity that services the homeless. Soon, Kevin realized that it would be easier and likely more successful to market the record if those additional songs he had received clearance after the cutoff last year, were put together in their own, new collection – which sounds like a fine idea; let’s maximize the potential to do good. So back into the fray, back to the hunt for more bands’ contact information for Kevin… and after one more, final herculean effort, Have Yourself a Merry Indie Christmas (Volume III) is now under our tree. This release, just like the stellar duo who preceded it, is lined with hit after hit after hit. There are many bands here that the 15-20 folks who read my blog will likely already know and love (Virgin of the Birds, Wake Up and Smell the Sun, Charlie’s Hand Movements, The Ornaments, etc, etc, etc.), but I’m sure you’ve missed a few here and there, and the chances you’re going to love it are pppprrrreeeettty high. Oh, didn’t you forget to pick up that Jacklen Ro song you loved, since it wasn’t on Bandcamp? I can also see you picking this record up, and listening to a song you’ve heard before, but connecting with it on a deeper level – yeah, you just needed some time to grow with that song. I’m thinking you should probably pick this one up, even if you’ve already got a couple of the tracks… just to be safe.

Volumes 1-3 are a guidebook to an alternate universe of Christmas music that few know exists. If you already live here, celebrate it. If you are just dipping your toes in the water, jump in because these 143 songs will provide you with plenty of depth. Swim with us, won’t you?

Bottom Line: You’re getting 35 stellar songs, conveniently packaged by a man high on his own supply of Christmas cheer, and all your money goes to help the homeless. That’s a win for everyone.

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The Ornaments “A Cold Wind” (2022)

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

A seasonal staple here on Christmas Underground, this year The Ornaments (Mike Behrends and Lance Owens) cut a hole in the wall and let us hear this exchange in what might be their most devastating Christmas song yet… and they’ve sung about a holiday plane crash before. We get to observe these people, then imagine the aftermath… the emotional shrapnel… you are desperate to delete that message for him. Oh lord, that was so well done and so heartbreaking.

Bottom Line: The Ornaments paint these tiny canvases that always leave you wondering what lies outside the frame. Keep them wanting more… or fearing more, I’d imagine.

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The Ornaments “Cryin'” (2021)

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

Mike Behrends and Lance Owens’ seasonal project, The Ornaments, is something that I look forward to all year. The chances that the song is going to skew a bit dark is pretty high, but you NEVER know how they are going to get there. This year’s song, “Cryin’,” finds their wonderful, dark storytelling in contrast with their most heartwarming music. The juxtaposition between the story of an overworked, neglectful father making his son cry amidst a forgotten Christmas with the outro’s airy hallelujahs, quiet strumming, gentle piano lines, and beautiful trombone colors is striking. This song has all the dark, complex, detailed storytelling I’ve come to love about The Ornaments, while suggesting that they might just have the sweetest song ever somewhere in there… who knows? Stranger things have happened!

I could listen to that outro for another five minutes, easy.

Bottom Line: The Ornaments continue to amass some of the most interesting Christmas music in existence. I, for one, cannot wait for the absolutely necessary full-length one day.

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The Ornaments “A Coca-Cola Classic Christmas” (2020)

Self Released
Buy: Bandcamp

This Christmas band began as a reason for its two members, Mike Behrends and Lance Owens, to spend some time together. Their hang sessions have resulted in some of the most dark, poignant and interesting Christmas music I’ve ever encountered. Mike tipped me off that The Ornaments were indeed on track to release a song in 2020, which had me spinning with possibilities. In a normal year they’ve written about plane crashes… so what will an extremely fucked up waste of a year bring? Like all of the Ornaments songs, “A Coca​-​Cola Classic Christmas” paints a simple, yet vivid portrait from the fringes of the holiday. The song is a holiday card, written to someone the narrator would like to see, but hasn’t in a good number of years. Personally, this feels like an estranged parent, with lines like, “filled it with ornaments from your childhood Happy Meals,” hinting at the more-than-Facebook relationship they once had. That final entreaty is so simple and heartbreaking, “If this sounds nice, I’ll be in room 104 just left of the coke machine.” This short vignette of a holiday apart conveys so much awkward love in so few words, that I find it tough to decide whether the song is terribly sad, or oddly sweet. The Ornaments always leave me with questions… so I keep coming back.

The Ornaments have big plans for 2021, as we all do, and have plans for a 2-song 7-inch, so be sure to follow them on Bandcamp if you want a shot at that . I believe that first 7-inch only had about 8 copies or so pressed…

Bottom Line: The Ornaments are a rare treat, though perhaps an acquired taste. However, once you got it… you’re in it for the long haul.

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The Ornaments “Married and Joseph” (2019)

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

You never quite know what to expect, yet fully know what to expect, when you are awaiting the new Ornaments Christmas single; The one thing you know is that you will never quite hear a Christmas song like this from anyone else. This seasonal project of Mike Behrends and Lance Owens is entering its sixth year, and after we all contemplated death in 2016, we find ourselves celebrating (new) life in 2019. “Married and Joseph” is a brilliant short story, borne out of Mike’s early upbringing in Minnesota attending a conservative Lutheran Church. The characters take part in the classic Christmas pageant, one where their performance is so successful that it leads to sex, a baby and blackmail. I don’t want to give away the whole story, listen for yourself! An added bonus for 2019, the Ornaments are offering up a wonderfully appropriate tote bag in “Lutheran prayer book green.” The bag is wonderfully emblazoned with “Christmas Music or Die Trying.” I can think of a number of folks who are going to NEED this (or be insanely bummed they missed out). Best of luck grabbing one of the 15 (14 now that I’ve gotten one), you weirdo Christmas music fanatics.

Bottom Line: The Ornaments are truly on their own Christmas music island, every year throwing a party and treating us to a fascinating new entree to devour. Delicious!

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The Ornaments “Give Me All the Christmas You Got” (2018)

The Ornaments "Give Me All the Christmas You Got"

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

Mike Behrends and Lance Owens’ seasonal project, The Ornaments, has entered its fifth, fascinating year. The Ornaments can not write a normal Christmas song. 2016’s “Flying Home for Christmas,” had the narrator thinking about Christmas songs as his plane went down – just try to find another band who will go down that road! 2018’s “Give Me All the Christmas You Got,” is much brighter in content (there is no imminent death), but Mike Behrends’ lyrics cannot help but be evocative. For most of the past year, Mike has been living in Turkey, a predominantly muslim country with a very different climate from his Wisconsin roots. His detachment from the Christmas he knows and loves leads to equal parts longing and loving, as Mike pinpoints and appreciates these small details of Christmas that often get lost in the buzz of the holidays – yet he can’t have them. Recorded into an iPhone and sent 9 hours back in time to Wisconsin, his partner Lance Owens has beautifully mixed Mike’s vocals, at first setting them far away, but bringing them close as the imagery begins to flow. The music compliments the lyrical tone, soft nostalgia with a hint of anxiety, and with that, another Ornaments’ classic. Word is that they might be planning something fun when they hit a decade – and that is great to hear, as The Ornaments are one of the distinctive pleasures of the alternative Christmas season.

Bottom Line: The Ornaments are like no other Christmas band, as they continue to make fascinating, wholly unique Christmas songs.

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The Ornaments “Christmas Movie Marathon” (2017)

The Ornaments - Christmas Movie Marathon

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

Last year’s track from the seasonal folk band The Ornaments, featured a passenger searching for Christmas music to listen to as his plane was going down. This year’s track, despite reassurances that both Mike and Lance (the Ornaments) are totally in the spirit this season, is even darker! The track is simply arranged, just guitar and Mike’s thoughtful vocals. The song follows a father and daughter as they watch some Christmas classics, each of which sparks either impossible, or uncomfortable questions.

What am I gonna tell my little one
when she says she wants a White Christmas?
“Not tonight. Go to sleep.”

What am I supposed to say when she asks my way,
“Why’d his parents leave him Home Alone? Do they not love him?”
“You’re good. You’re fine. I’ll never leave you behind.”

What’s a man to do as her tears roll down
as Frosty’s face melts into the ground?
“Why don’t we turn off the TV?”

What am I gonna tell my baby girl when she asks,
“Is Mom coming back?”
“How about we watch a Christmas movie.”

“Christmas Movie Marathon” is a brutal, evocative poem put to music, one which spares no expense when it comes to tearing at your heartstrings.

 Bottom Line: The Ornaments continue to mine the darker side of Christmas with yet another fascinating approach to seasonal music.

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The Ornaments “Flying Home for Christmas” (2016)

The Ornaments - Flying Home For Christmas

Folkmonger Records
Buy: Bandcamp

Mike and Lance (The Ornaments) are back… and dammmmn. This shit is dark. Funny and dark. The song is a story about crashing in a plane on Christmas Day. The sweet guitar picking doesn’t lull you to comfort for very long, shit gets dark quick. The cabin fills with smoke, and he buys in-flight wifi to tell his love goodbye. However, there is a nice balance, as with the gallows humor found in the line: “meanwhile i thumbed through my phone to find a song, a Christmas song, a burl ives song / that’s good to die to.” The narrator goes through the entire crash in a slow-motion mix of bemusement and wry observations. I would love to know more about how this song came about…

Bottom Line: The Ornaments’ dark humor is a welcome break from the sugary sweet songs that dominate the holiday.

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Premiere: The Ornaments “The Ornaments Won’t Hang Themselves (Alone For The Holidays)” (2015)

The Ornaments Won't Hang Themselves

Self Released
Buy: Bandcamp

Yet another premiere! You may remember the Ornaments are the annual, non-religious Christmas music project of Mike Behrends and Lance Owens. They put out a fantastic square, lathe-cut 7″ & download last year, beginning a project specifically meant to get these two friends together. They swore to release a Christmas 7″ and play one show from now until to the end of time. Now… I have to warn everyone that time has indeed stopped, for the Ornaments are download-only this year, thus signaling the end of time to the rest of the world. However, I do not hold it against this fine band, for they have added yet another interesting Christmas song to their burgeoning Christmas portfolio. “The Ornaments Won’t Hang Themselves (Alone for the Holidays)” has lovely, simple orchestration – programmed beats, hammond organ, some guitar, bells and synths. I really, really enjoy the melody; it has certainly wormed its way in my head. The subject matter trades in, as the title suggests, the melancholy of Christmas. Let the Ornaments describe it…

Christmas isn’t as wonderfully fun and family-filled as we are all led to believe in old holiday movies and songs. Especially for our fictional protagonist from Cadott, Wisconsin, whose girl has left him alone with a car that can’t make it through the snow and a garage full of Christmas decorations they used to put up together. All he wants is one more Christmas dance. Is that too much to ask?

Sad, yet lovely. I think I like the ending the best.

Bottom Line: This is one of those songs to sit back with a glass of spiked eggnog, and sink into as if it were a short story. 4.5/5

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